I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Redeem this text for a blowjob
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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