its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
