Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
