I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
