I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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