so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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