He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
