I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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