my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
