just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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