handjob tips. give me some.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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