That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
