What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
