You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
