i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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