You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
