im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
