The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
