Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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