Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize