Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize