I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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