Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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