it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we made out on top of his cat.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
