what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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