you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
