My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize