The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
