I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
