life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
