Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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