i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
