I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
