I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
