He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
