I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
