Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
