Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need moral support for this bender
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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