will power is for people who don't want to get laid
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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