I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize