so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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