So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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