I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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