Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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