apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
