in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
