I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
