If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
