Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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