You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
