Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
