when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
