And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize