I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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