and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
