Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
