I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize