im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
