Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
