Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
