He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
