So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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