Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
