just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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