Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
