i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
