so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
