dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
