no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
