My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
