he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
