you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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