I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
