pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
