Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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