I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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