I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
