I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize