Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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