I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you traded sex for a burrito?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
