i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
