i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
