Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
