Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
