it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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