Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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