Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
