the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The adults are the big ones right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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