I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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