I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
