They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
