Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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