Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
