If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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