You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
