They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
