my room smells like sperm. sweet.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
