I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Can Purell be used as lube?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
