May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
